Motherhood
The other day, we had somewhat of a fiasco with the marching band kids at my school (I am on staff with my school's marching band and really enjoy it). In between the end of school and the report time for our first home game, the staff went out to have a quick dinner at the Ale House. We cherish this time because it is an hour or two away from the students where we can just talk and relax before having to put on our staff shirt and be adults. During this time, the kids know to relax, get something to eat, and have a little fun before having to put their uniform on and focus for that evening's performance.
Apparently while we were gone, some of the kids decided to stand out in a lightening storm, jump around all over the front of the school, and drag race in the school parking lot. Technically we are not responsible for the kids during this time because they are on a break away from school. The catch is that most of them wear the t-shirts that have the title of the field show and "Freedom High School" plastered on the front, thus making themselves a billboard for our band, whether they are acting like monkeys or like resposible teenagers (oxymoron?). Well, when we all got back to school we were bombarded with student leadership, teachers, and administrators giving all the details of the afternoon's activities.
Of course the Director of Bands called everyone into the band room and gave them a firm talking-to about how stupid they were acting and how disappointed the staff is with them. As the kids were coming into the room to get seated for the "talk", one of my former students, who is also a percussionist, called me over. His face was bright red, his knee was moving uncontrolably, and he couldn't look me in the face. He was explaining to me that he was one of the alleged drag-racers but the story was getting blown out of proportion. He proceeded to give me the details of what actually happened and how scared he was, all while trying to fight back tears. I tried to be as firm as possible, explaining that perception is everything in this world, that even when we haven't done something to the extent of what people perceive, unfortunately that perception is what is going to be at the forefront of people's minds. He seemed to understand what I was telling him. He sat and listened to the director talk to the entire band, and accepted the band-wide punishment.
As the kids were dismissed from the band room to get set up on the football field for a run-through of the show before getting dressed, the alleged drag-racer's mother was in the band room. She came to talk to me and another staff member. I could tell she was fighting back tears so we just stood with her and listened as she vented. She told us how angry she was with her child because "he knows better than this" (the mom is very active at our school and the adminstrator who caught her son knows her very well). She then explained that if her son actually did drag race, she could deal with that but she could not deal with the thought of her son lying to her face. Apparently as soon as she found out what had happened, she came to the band room to find her son and get to the bottom of the issue. After finding him (we told her that he was hiding in the bathroom, trying to figure out how to handle the discussion with his mom that he knew was coming), she confronted her son. She went on to tell us that she and her son have a saying from the bible "Let your yesses mean yes and your nos mean no." Well when she asked her son if he was drag racing in the parking lot, he looked her in the eye and said "My yes means yes." She started crying as she was telling us this story. It was quite difficult to listen to the mom pour out her heart without being touched.
Later in the evening as I was driving home (from our first home victory and a decent first performance of the season), I began reflecting on this situation. I tried to imagine what I would do in this situation. I hope that I will be able to hold my anger back enough to listen to my child and try to get a grasp on the situation. I hope that I could have enough love and compassion for my child that I would handle the situation in a manner that would not demean, but still discipline. I hope that when I have kids, I have a kid that will know the Word and will be able to tell me that his yes is a yes or his no is a no. This alleged drag-racer was a student of mine last year so I've become quite fond of him and his mother. I wonder if I'll ever be able to tell them that they have given me a glimpse of the future relationship I hope to have with my children.
Apparently while we were gone, some of the kids decided to stand out in a lightening storm, jump around all over the front of the school, and drag race in the school parking lot. Technically we are not responsible for the kids during this time because they are on a break away from school. The catch is that most of them wear the t-shirts that have the title of the field show and "Freedom High School" plastered on the front, thus making themselves a billboard for our band, whether they are acting like monkeys or like resposible teenagers (oxymoron?). Well, when we all got back to school we were bombarded with student leadership, teachers, and administrators giving all the details of the afternoon's activities.
Of course the Director of Bands called everyone into the band room and gave them a firm talking-to about how stupid they were acting and how disappointed the staff is with them. As the kids were coming into the room to get seated for the "talk", one of my former students, who is also a percussionist, called me over. His face was bright red, his knee was moving uncontrolably, and he couldn't look me in the face. He was explaining to me that he was one of the alleged drag-racers but the story was getting blown out of proportion. He proceeded to give me the details of what actually happened and how scared he was, all while trying to fight back tears. I tried to be as firm as possible, explaining that perception is everything in this world, that even when we haven't done something to the extent of what people perceive, unfortunately that perception is what is going to be at the forefront of people's minds. He seemed to understand what I was telling him. He sat and listened to the director talk to the entire band, and accepted the band-wide punishment.
As the kids were dismissed from the band room to get set up on the football field for a run-through of the show before getting dressed, the alleged drag-racer's mother was in the band room. She came to talk to me and another staff member. I could tell she was fighting back tears so we just stood with her and listened as she vented. She told us how angry she was with her child because "he knows better than this" (the mom is very active at our school and the adminstrator who caught her son knows her very well). She then explained that if her son actually did drag race, she could deal with that but she could not deal with the thought of her son lying to her face. Apparently as soon as she found out what had happened, she came to the band room to find her son and get to the bottom of the issue. After finding him (we told her that he was hiding in the bathroom, trying to figure out how to handle the discussion with his mom that he knew was coming), she confronted her son. She went on to tell us that she and her son have a saying from the bible "Let your yesses mean yes and your nos mean no." Well when she asked her son if he was drag racing in the parking lot, he looked her in the eye and said "My yes means yes." She started crying as she was telling us this story. It was quite difficult to listen to the mom pour out her heart without being touched.
Later in the evening as I was driving home (from our first home victory and a decent first performance of the season), I began reflecting on this situation. I tried to imagine what I would do in this situation. I hope that I will be able to hold my anger back enough to listen to my child and try to get a grasp on the situation. I hope that I could have enough love and compassion for my child that I would handle the situation in a manner that would not demean, but still discipline. I hope that when I have kids, I have a kid that will know the Word and will be able to tell me that his yes is a yes or his no is a no. This alleged drag-racer was a student of mine last year so I've become quite fond of him and his mother. I wonder if I'll ever be able to tell them that they have given me a glimpse of the future relationship I hope to have with my children.
posted by Jessie @ 3:44 PM
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