Are You Serious?

For those of you who read this on a regular basis, you may have noticed that I recently deleted an emotionally charged entry that I wrote about some feelings that I had been dealing with. Well, apparently the fact that I deleted it has angered some people. I am being accused of censorship because I am too weak to stand behind my feelings. Now that is the silliest thing I have ever heard of in my life!

Let's get a few things straight:
1) Anyone who has known me for a short amount of time knows that I am not weak, and that I don't really care what I say and who I say it to. This has gotten me in trouble quite a few times, and I have learned some hard lessons from this quality of mine. I can honestly say that I think I've learned how to get this under control over the past few years, but sometimes I really have to work hard at it, or apologize for what I've said.
2) I have been under the impression that what is contained/written on a blog, my space, online journal, etc... is up to the person who maintains it. So technically I can delete whatever I want, when I want to, be it comments made by outside people, or things that I have written. I didn't know I needed permission for that.
3) When I wrote that original entry, I never wanted to slander (or is it libel because it is written?) the reputation of my church. I was upset about a few things that a few people that attend my church said about me. I cannot equate a church as a community to the actions of a few people. That would be narrow-minded and cold-hearted of me. I cannot deny the fact that there are some amazing things happening at CrossPointe, and that God is working there. It was wrong of me to word some of the things I wrote in such a manner as to lead people to believe that everyone at the church acted the same way.
4) The ultimate reason I decided to delete the entire entry was because I was feeling bad about what I wrote and how I wrote it. That was not the Godly way to express my feelings. I didn't delete my feelings, I deleted the way I express my feelings. I was worried that some of the things I said could be misinterpretted and taken out of context. Frankly, I didn't want my blog to be used as a bashing session about my church. I was not offended by any of the comments made. I wasn't trying to hurt anyone's feelings by deleting the entry. I was avoiding the direction it looked like the comments were going in.

It took a while, but I took the route I feel God would want me to take--I have spoken with those people at church who made comments about me and things are ok. Am I going through a rough season in my life right now? Yes. Is it difficult when I hear someone make a comment? Yes. Do I get upset when people jump to conclusions, or have incorrect perceptions? Of course! But it is not right to be angry about something or at someone without going to them about it.

I am not angry at those people who have made the most recent set of comments, I am just hurt. Apparently God has been trying to teach me a lesson lately. Something to do with dealing with hurt, or patience, or just accepting the fact that even your closest friends will let you down from time to time.