Down in the Valley

I've been going through a rough patch in my life lately. When you look at the surface, it seems like everything is well and when you really get down to it, it should be. I should be happy. I keep telling everyone that things are great and things are going well, and that I am the happiest I've ever been. I really don't think that is the truth though and I cannot explain why I feel as sad as I do. I don't feel happy and I don't know what to do to make me happy. Work is really good, grad school is going well, church is ok, my relationship with Phil was great but because I've felt bad, I can feel it affecting our relationship. I blame my mood and emotions on everyone and everything around me, but the problem is within me. I just don't know how to fix it.

Honestly, why do I work so hard at my job? What do I get in the long run? Recognition? A pay raise? Crap from students? Complaints that my class sucks and I'm a bitch? Why am I going to grad school? Is it going to make me a better person? Is my pay raise really going to be substantial enough to cover the debt I am going into? When I take away school and work, what is left? Honestly? I used to be passionate about church and God, but I don't have time for that anymore. I used to have lots of friends, but I don't think I even have them anymore. I continue to push Phil away and blame how I feel on his busyness.

What is it going to take to make me happy with my life?