A Burden Lifted

Last week I received some news regarding a relationship from my past. My first reaction was, "I'm not surprised." Then I called my mom. She reminded me that God will always reveal himself and that this specific situation is a confirmation of what He and others have been telling me for years, "You am not a failure." I hung up the phone and pondered the conversation and the situation. For the first time in four years, I felt my shoulders lift (regarding this particular relationship). I smiled and thanked God for being faithful. I am not happy about this situation and I am not shirking any responsibilty that I had in my past relationship, but for once I can say, "It wasn't me."

On another note: I have been taking advantage of my time this summer to clean out closets, drawers, cabinets, etc... Even though Phil and I aren't moving in together until we get married, I've been trying to prepare for moving. I have moved enough times and know that once school starts, time will be very limited. Anyway, I cleaned out my storage closet the other day. In there I found a box filled with all of my memorabilia from my first marriage. I started going through things to make sure there was nothing that I felt I needed to keep. I looked at pictures, read some cards and notes... what a different person I have become. I am a much more positive, much happier, more fulfilled with my life; my relationship with God is closer and honest making my relationship with Phil very close, honest, and faithful. I smiled as I threw everything away; not an evil, vindictive smile but a smile of relief.

I had two very heavy trash bags and a box of stuff to throw away so I waited for Phil to come over for dinner to help me. He helped me carry everything to the trash compactor and helped me throw everything in. As we threw the memorabilia in the compactor, I could hear glass breaking, frames cracking and various other noises. The compactor started up and the noise grew louder as it was all compacted into a neat, little cube of my past. I started laughing and Phil looked at me and smiled, "Do you feel better?" I actually do. I have officially accepted my past and moved beyond the hurt. I can see what God has been doing in me for the past four years and finally understand that I needed to go through all of that "crap" to get to where I am today. I am so excited about my future. Thank you Lord!