As I Wallow In My Stupidity...

Well, I finally took the GRE this morning. I needed a minimum score of 1000 to get into UCF. I won't make you grimace with my horrible score, but I will let you know that it was not 1000.

I was prepared, I had a good night's sleep, I knew what was expected of me, I was a little nervous but not so much that it impeded my focus...needless to say, I was ready to go! I felt really good through the written and verbal sections of the test, but when I got to the math section, BOOM!! It was pitiful. I finished the test but didn't feel confident with the math section. Then my scores came up on the screen. I did better in verbal than math but my scores were shameful. Trying to hold back my tears and disappointment, I gathered my things, signed out, and began the drive back home. I immediately called Phil (who was on a bus with band students, driving to Atlanta) and he listened as I fought back tears and vented about how stupid I felt. He comforted me and encouraged me as best he could over a phone. He reminded me that I didn't need only my GRE scores to be accepted into grad school--I still have my GPA.

I was still feeling a little upset when we hung up. So I did what anyone who is feeling bad does, I called my mama. She wasn't at her desk so I left a message and called Melanie. We made plans to go out and party tomorrow night. Maybe a little line dancing will help take my mind off things.

Finally my mother called me back. She reminded me that I have never done well on standardized tests. I have always done very well in school, but never on any type of standardized test. She encouraged me to not be so hard on myself and told me that getting this far is an accomplishment in itself.

I think ultimatley I am just disappointed with myself. I teach this stuff on a daily basis. I teach about study skills and test anxiety and yet I still couldn't pass this dang test!! Why can't I do well on these things?

Anyway, I am getting over my disappointment. We'll see what happens with my grad school acceptance. It's all in God's hands. If he wants me to go back to school, the doors will be open. **SIGH**

To My Students:

I know some of you think you're real smart by catching my little slip and visiting my blog and reading my away messages. I have just two words for you: YOU SUCK!!!

I'm just kidding. You are very quick to catch my slip-a-roo. Don't start spreading my blogsite addy and screen name around please. Have a fabulous weekend. Don't forget to complete your self-evaluation and bring your Lit and vocab books to class. See ya on Monday!!

You would never believe how good these things taste!! 

Our very first crawfish boil. YUMMY!!!! 

Ha Ha!!

You scored as Miss Piggy. You are graceful, and stunningly beautiful. You want what you want when you want it, and you will go to the extreme to get it. You may be a pig but everyone better respect you for it or they will pay. The man of your dreams is a little slimy but you love him passionately and always will. Miss Piggy 55% Kermit the Frog 45% Gonzo 35% Animal 30% Rizzo the Rat 20% which muppet are you most like? created with QuizFarm.com

A New Perspective

Earlier in the week, the faculty was told that the son of one of our deans would be going in for surgery. Later that day, we were told that the doctors decided not to operate as they had found a large mass on a vital organ. They were worried about harming the organ so decided to do tests to figure out the next step to take. The next day we were told that the mass was indeed cancer. I am not sure where exactly it is located (I've heard the liver and the stomach), but the child is going to have to receive aggressive chemotherapy. This child is four years old! I cannot imagine the pain he is feeling, or the emotions his parents are experiencing.

This got me thinking...

I am a worrier. I am not sure why, but I have always been that way. I tend to react and then think rationally. As a child, my mother would say, "Stop worrying. God is in control." As an adult, I've heard pastors teach, "Let go and let God. Don't worry about it, He is in control." Even as a teacher, I've found myself telling my students, "Don't stress over it, that will only make it worse." Yet I still worry.

As I have been sitting here, pondering and praying for this family and others close to me that have been experiencing health issues and death recently, I have come to the realization that my problems are so insignificant. Sure, my financial situation and my grad school anxiety are very stressful, but I am alive and healthy. I have family and friends that love me very much. I have a boyfriend that would go to the ends of the earth for me. I have a solid, successful career. I have been blessed with amazing talents. And best of all, I have a God who loves me so much, He sent His son to die for my sins.

I am beginning to have a new perspective on my life. I guess my mother was right, He is in control. Now that's something to think about!

Perfect!!

You scored as Sleeping Beauty. Your alter ego is Princess Aurora, a.k.a. Sleeping Beauty! You are beautiful and enchanting, and as sweet as ever. Sleeping Beauty 81% Peter Pan 75% Goofy 63% The Beast 56% Pinocchio 50% Donald Duck 44% Ariel 38% Cinderella 38% Snow White 38% Cruella De Ville 25% Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego? created with QuizFarm.com

AAAHHHH!! T-rex, Islands of Adventure, 2005

My Story

About two months ago, I found myself in a situation where the parent of one of my students began sharing her marriage situation with me and how her child was dealing with it, therefore how it was effecting the child's school work. I always try to be sincere and listen to parents when they talk to me, without showing favoritism toward the student. I guess the parent figured out that I was a spiritual person because a few weeks later, the parent called me and told me that the situation had escalated and if I saw her child (it was during FCAT week so I didn't see my students during their typical class times), just smile and give him some encouragement.

Last week, I felt God impressing this particular parent on my heart, so I emailed her to ask her how she was doing and if things were ok. She shared a little with me, and I tried to encourage her as best I could without breaking that "ethical teacher" rule. I told her that I understand her situation a lot more than she could imagine. I shared with her that as a daughter of parents that struggled with their marriage, I understand what her child is going through. I also shared that as a woman that has gone through a divorce, I understand what she is going through. She asked me to share a little with her (especially about my parents), which made me nervous about that ethical rule again, but something inside told me tell her my story.

My response:
"My mother got pregnant with me when she was 18; she met the man she would eventually marry a few months after she got pregnant. I do not know my biological father, but my stepfather raised me as his own my entire life. My stepfather has struggled with a drug addiction for over 25 years; some of those years being very, very bad. I grew up thinking my stepfather was my “real” dad, and was a senior in high school when my stepfather told me the truth, out of spite, because of an argument between him and my mother. My mother is a very strong, spiritual woman—she stuck by her husband for 20 years because that is what she felt God wanted her to do. When I was a freshman in college, my stepfather spent about a year in jail, and that is when my mother finally divorced him (a very difficult decision for her). I was very angry at my stepfather—I hated him for the things he did to my mom and his children (I am the oldest of 5, but I am the only one that has a different father). I thought his addiction was more important to him than we were. About a year later, my stepfather was released from jail, and began to work on his life. A year after that, my parents remarried. That was about 7 years ago. My parents have since remarried; my dad is currently sober but has had lapses every now and then. I forgave my stepfather before my parents remarried; I consider him my dad. He walked me down the aisle when I got married, and prayed with/for me when I went through my divorce. He is not a perfect man, but he is trying. He has a long way to go (don't we all) but my mom stands by him, knowing that the struggle is between my dad and God. She prays for him and does all she can, but knows that God is in control.

I think this situation has caused me to understand where my students are coming from. I pray for my students, I love them as much as I can. I share with them pieces of my life when I need to. God allowed me to go through that so that I could be such an effective teacher.

I hope that gives you a little encouragement."

Her response:
"Ms. Herrick, Consider yourself one of God’s little angels. No wonder you are so special and have such impact in your students, your ministry/mission.

God bless, again."

I shared this story with my mother yesterday, trying to encourage her (and to make sure it was ok that I shared this with a parent).

My mother's response:
"I am really happy that God was glorified through you when you shared your life story with the mother of your student. This is what it is all about. We go through situations that are hard and painful, which grows our character to be Christ-like, and then we comfort others that are going through the same type of situations, hopefully leading them to Jesus Christ. It amazes me how you really do "live the life"."

Now thinking through the situation some more, I have come to realize how much I have learned from my parents. I have seen the pain that my father struggles with, but I have seen what God can do when His hand is on your life. God loves my father and has His hand on him. He will bring my dad through his addiction. My dad is just an image of the daily surrender that we must live; without that act of surrendering, we are living our lives on our own. What a hopeless thought! I know I want to live my life the way my dad does, daily surrendering to God.

I have learned the true definition of perseverence through my mother. She is the image of the mother I want to be, the mother that I know she is praying for me to evolve into. My mother encourages me whenever she feels the need to, but she's not afraid to call me out on things either. She tells me to stop complaining and start praying! She compliments me on my voice and my clothes (and my shoes--wink, wink mom), but she tells me to shut up and start worshipping.

My response today:
Even though it was hard at the time, I am glad I have a story to share. It's amazing what we learn through the pain and all-around crap. Anyway, I'll continue to use my story to glorify God around my students.

The Orlando Magic Game, April 8, 2005

Randomness

Here is a completely random thought that I figured I would share:
DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT eat dinner right before you go to bed. You'll have the most realistic dreams throughout the entire night.

I had sausage, peppers, and onions for dinner at about 10:30 last night, and then went to bed around 10:45. All night long, I had very realistic, vivid dreams filled with images from the Holocaust. I am not sure what that means, other than I think it is time to stop teaching/reading Holocaust literature and time to move on to something more "happy"...like Shakespeare!!

Mardi Gras 2005, Universal Studios Orlando