Thoughts From The Mind of A Princess

My faith is like shifting sand changed by every wave; My faith is like shifting I stand on grace. -Caedmon's Call Shifting Sand Isaiah 26:8, James 1:4, James, 1:22-27

Wednesday, May 25, 2005


I just found out a few moments ago that I got accepted into UCF's Reading Education MS program!!!! I am so happy right now, I don't really know how to react. My heart is racing, and I can feel tears welling up. I am relieved that my GRE scores did not hinder my opportunity, but I am anxious to begin this new journey. I am apprehensive about getting back into a "serious student" mode, but I am excited about the final outcome. After the trials I've been going through these past few weeks, I was really beginning to question the path God has for me. Once again, he has proven His sovereignty by opening and closing doors in order to make His path clear. I am a bit nervous about the next few years, but I am so excited that He is in control and I am not!!

Thank you for all your prayers and support. Thank God for friends and family like you! We are going out to celebrate on Saturday night. I am feeling like a night of line dancing--call the cell if you want details.


Monday, May 23, 2005

A Good Ending to A Looooong Week

I was so looking forward to the weekend. It wasn't the best but I was away from my classroom so that made it alright.

On Friday, I intended to go home and grade, grade, grade while Phil was at a school function. Phil convinced me to come spend some time with him at UHS. It wasn't an ideal situatuion, but he made it worthwhile. He cleaned off a desk in his office and made some space where I could grade away while he took care of his responsibilites. I didn't think it would work but I actually got quite a bit of papers graded. Afterwards, we went to UNO's to eat--they have the best nachos and Bloody Marys.

On Saturday, I had a picnic for one of the clubs I sponsor. Not a lot of students showed up, but we all had a good time. The weather was beautiful, and the park was gorgeous. We ate a lot of food, goofed around, got a little sun, and had an all-around good time. Phil came out for the last hour (I think he wanted the free lunch), so when I was done, we headed to the mall. We walked around, trying to avoid as many of my students as possible (the FL Mall is right next to my school). Phil had an OCB concert he had to be at, so we parted ways. Lucky me went home to continue grading.

I sang at church on Sunday and had a good time. Matt led our team this week, so it was an adjustment to leadership styles, but I like the change. Sarah and I were silly all morning. I always have fun when I sing with her. After church, Phil and I went to the Ale House for lunch (surprise, surprise) and finally got to see Star Wars. It was ok. I like how everything was finally resolved after 30 years, but the overall movie wasn't the best I've seen. I actually think Crash is still my favorite movie of the year. At least I can say I saw Episode III in the theater. After the movie, we went grocery shopping, went home so we could both work on school stuff, cooked dinner, and watched the finale of Desperate Housewives.

Now we've entered the final week of school and I cannot wait for this weekend. Don't forget to reserve Saturday night for Cowboys!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


There are only 8 days of school (with students) left, two of which are half days. During that time I need to grade hundreds of reports, journals, and tests, listen to oral book reports, and finish teaching The Taming of the Shrew. Then I have two days of post-planning. Then four days after that, summer school starts. And then two weeks after that ends, band camps starts. Somewhere in there, I will be working at Sylvan, (hopefully) getting ready for Grad school, turning 28, and helping with the Creative Arts showcase. **SIGH**

I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. I've not been sleeping well, my patience has been short, I snap at Phil more often than usual, I am mush more evil than normal towards my students, I fall asleep whenever I get the opportunity to sit down on the couch, I am bored at church, and I don't ever want to do anything fun. I know I haven't been spending the time with God that I need to, but there are only so many hours in the day. How do you you find the time to accomplish everything? It's at moments like this when I know I need to lean on God, but then I am afraid to because I might just fall asleep and not get something done. It shouldn't be like this, but it feels like a catch-22 situation. Any suggestions?

Monday, May 16, 2005


Ok, so some of my students figured out my blog address and found my AIM screen name. They've been passing my screen name around, and think it is a huge joke. Some of them have been daring enough to IM me, but I just block them so they'll leave me alone.

Last night, I was chatting online when a random IM came up. I blocked it, but then a new one popped up. This one was very obscene and rude, on the lines of harassment. Even though it sorta' freaked me out (between that, my camera being stolen, and the robberies in my complex), I wasn't going to do anything. Then today at school some students asked about it and it launched into a whole class discussion about who it was, blah, blah, blah. Of course every class discussion travels from period to period. I had students coming up to me all day long telling me that they heard kids bragging about what they did to me (I guess these smart guys and gals were bragging about it at lunch). I decided to keep a list of names that kept coming up. I didn't have to ask around--they ratted each other out.

After school, I went to one of the deans. He said I need to see the SROs and then they'll do something. Apparently this is a legal matter and the school can't get involved until the police do. The dean wants the list of names so they can start talking to all the kids. I thought this would be a suspension, but apparently this is on the lines of harrassment since it happened outside of school.

Well, for all my brainiac kids who think they are so funny: after tomorrow morning, the SROs will be involved. You think you're funny, and you know I can take a joke, but now you've gone too far. See ya in the morning!!

Sunday, May 15, 2005


Grad School: UCF has received my GRE scores, so it should only be a week or two until I find out if I've been accepted into the program. Keep praying!!

Apartment Theft: When we got back into town last night, there was a notice on my door informing all tenants that there have been a number of breakins (apartments and cars), and that we need to be careful with EVERYTHING! There was also some sort of accident that caused the gate to my complex to be knocked down. To me, it looks like someone drove right through the darn thing. I now officially live in the g-h-e-t-t-o!!

Summer Job: It looks like I will be teaching summer school. I haven't started back up at Sylvan yet, but hopefully that'll happen soon so I can save up for the month of July (the month in which absolutely no income is coming in).

Church: SSDD

School: Only two full weeks left! But...some of my students figured out my blog address and my AIM screen name. One kid made the mistake of messaging me with inappropriate comments. That child will be sad when he gets called down to the Dean's Office for harassing a teacher.

Random Thought: Have you heard the new Gwen Stefanie song "Hollaback Girl"? I think that is quite possibly the worst song EVER, but I cannot get it out of my head. How do you spell bananas?

I think that's it for now...

Stuart, FL

A few weeks ago, Phil and I decided that we needed some time away. The craziness of the end of the school year has been really wearing us out. We both skipped school on Friday, with permission of course, and headed down to Stuart, FL.

On Friday night, we went to the SFHS Band Banquet. Phil was a "special guest." It was nice to be able to see some of our former students. The kids were so excited to see Phil. It is very obvious that he has really made an impact on their lives. After the banquet, we drove around Stuart, Jensen Beach, and Port St. Lucie. Our original intent was to find something to do, but quickly realized that Small Town U.S.A. shuts down around 9 o'clock at night. So we ended up at The Ale House (cause we've never been there before, wink-wink). When we walked in, the first person I saw was another former student. He and I talked for a little bit. He caught me up on what everyone's been up and I told him about Orlando. He was laughing at me because he can tell from the way I talk that I work in the ghetto. It was funny.

On Saturday, we were able to sleep late. That felt so good--much needed rest!! We then drove back into Stuart and went downtown to have lunch. Clark and Vi met us at T.A. Verns and had lunch with us. Then we went for ice cream and walked around, visiting some of the shops. Phil and I went for a walk along the intercoastal before heading over to Clark and Vi's house. Probably the only thing I miss about living in Stuart (other than people) is the ocean. It was an absolutely gorgeous day with the sun shining and the wind blowing. The smell of the ocean and the feel of the sea spray...PERFECT!!

We stopped by Clark and Vi's house before heading up to Vero Beach (Vi wanted me to see the redecorating they've been working on). We went to dinner with a couple of Phil's friends. I usually don't do too well around his friends because they are all band directors, and I can only take so much band-talk, but I actually had fun. Then we headed back to O-Town.

The weekend was great--we got to see former students, and visit old friends and places. The only thing that was hard was being back in the place where my marriage ended. I know I talked a lot about Adam and things that happened while I was living there. I tried not to talk too much, but it was hard to avoid it. As we drove back, Phil and I discussed some things and I realized just how different this relationship is and how happy I am with him. God has grown me tremendously since I've left S. Florida. I needed to be here in Orlando for that growth to take place. It's amazing what you learn from ghost stories. ;-)

Stuart, FL. May, 2005. Posted by Hello

Ladies, All the Ladies!!

Every other Thursday night I go to my small group, From Water to Worship. Last Thursday, I was rushing around, trying to get my dog ready to be dropped off at my mom's house and getting myself ready for small group. I sat down for a quick sec to check my email when I got an instant message from Lauren. Lauren is never online so my original thought was that something was wrong or there was some sort of emergency. Nah, she just wanted to invite me over to spend some time with her and Melanie. I was debating because I was really looking forward to group but at the same time, I rarely get to spend time with Melanie AND Lauren at the same time. I decided to call the group and go spend some time with my ladies.

We ended up spending about 4 hours together. One of our other friends stopped by and spent some time with us as well. We goofed off, we played with all the babies, we laughed, we played Phase 10 (or was it Shanghi?)--we just had a good night together. As I was driving home, I thought about our time together. It wasn't what you would consider a traditional small group, but at different points in the evening, we were either fellowshipping or ministering to each other. It was so good. I was ministered to by just being around good female friends. It's rare that I have the opportunity to just stop all my school or church responsibilities, and even more rare that I am out with the ladies.

I thank God for these women. We've all had strains in our relationships--all four of us. But honestly, I think it is those strains that have made us closer. We are all at different points in our lives: One friend has been married for almost 5 years; another has two young children and has been married for 5 years; another has been married for two years and is raising three young children; I have been married, divorced, career-minded, and trying to get into grad school. We all have very hard-working men in our lives that love us very much. We learn from each other, pray for each other, and love each other.

Ladies, thank you for being the women God has made you to be. I cherish the time we spent together the other night and look forward to more nights like that. We need to make a point of spending more time together. I love you!!

Saturday, May 07, 2005

I've Been Robbed!!

Ok, so the weirdest, creepiest thing happened to me:

About two weeks ago (after looking at my calendar, I think it might have been April 20th), I came home from work. I was in a rush to get somewhere else and was basically making a pit stop (if my assumptions are correct, I was probably on my way to worship rehearsal). When I went to unlock my front door, I noticed that it felt like it was already unlocked. I walked into the house and the laundry room door was open. I found this odd because I always close that particular door or else Browni will get into the trash. I walked toward my bathroom and noticed that the door was closed and the light was on. Again this struck me as odd because I always shut that door (another trash can Browni likes to get into), and I am a freak about saving electricity so I am pretty sure I turned that light off. Not only that, but it is dark when I leave the house for work and I would've noticed if the light was still on. I nervously approached the bathroom door and totally expected someone to jump out and scare me when I opened it. The thought that maybe Phil was in my apartment playing a trick on me crossed my mind. I opened the bathroom door, found no one inside, looked toward the shower curtain, but didn't push it back because I figured it was just my over-active imagination playing tricks on me (we had recently seen The Amityville Horror and there is a scary scene in the bath tub). Still sorta nervous, I turned around, went toward my bedroom, and opened the door. I looked in my room and noticed that my closet light was on. It made me nervous at first because one of the scariest scenes in Amityville takes place in a closet (I know, I know, completely stupid but I can't help it), but then I got over it because I often forget to turn my closet light off. As I quickly left my apartment, heading toward rehearsal, I had an unsettling feeling that someone was in my apartment waiting for me to leave. These feelings were pushed into the back of my mind, but hadn't totally left me.

This morning I got up to get ready for a bridal shower. I went to go plug in my digital camera so it could charge while I was getting ready. My expensive digital camera was gone! Not only was the camera gone, but the entire set-up: the camera, the charging dock, and all the cords that connect to the computer! I looked all around my desk and the area where I normally store everything. I looked around my house and in my bags. Nothing! I called Phil to ask if he had seen it or if he had borrowed it. Nope! I called my family to see if I had let them borrow it. Nope! I talked to Melanie to see if I had left it there, even though I knew I had left it home on Girls' Night Out. Nope! Now I was getting really freaked out. The thought of that day a few weeks ago crept into the forefront of my mind, causing me to feel really creepy.

I went to the office of my apartment complex to report what had happened. I knew there was nothing they could do, but I wanted to know if anyone else had reported something missing. The only people who have access to my apartment, other than Phil and myself, are the maintenance people. The office told me to report it to the police.

After the bridal shower, I called OPD to find out what my options are. They filed a report for me. I am not sure what is going to happen but I feel really weird being in my apartment now. I went back to the office to give them the police report number. They are going to talk to management to find out what they can do for me. If nothing else, I want my locks changed.

Thinking back, I wonder what would've happened if I had moved back the shower curtain. I wonder if someone was back there...

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Can I Gush A Little?

Ok, I hate to do this but I just want to say that I have the BESTEST (wink, wink) boyfriend in the world!! I had the opportunity to go watch one of his concerts last night. It was amazing to just sit and watch him conduct his wind ensemble. Just watching Phil on the podium, drawing music out of these kids was awesome. The emotions spilling forth, the stories that were coming out of the music, the reaction of the kids as they played, and the response of the audience when they were done...WOW!!

Phil, I don't know if you ever read this, but I really enjoyed watching you and listening to your kids last night. I want you to know that I am so thankful that God brought us together. You make me very happy in a way that is very unique to any other relationship I've been in. I don't know what God has planned for us, but I'm very excited. Happy One Year!! I love you! XOXO!!

Monday, May 02, 2005

Enough With the Dramatics!

Have you ever been around people who like to create drama? Aye-yi-yi!! I find it to be very exhausting. I used to be like this, always offended or mad at someone about something, no matter how insignificant that something may be. I honestly think the need to create drama stems from confidence issues--like I am so threatened by someone that I have to be mad at them for something they said or did.

I remember being this kind of person and not liking my response to things, or the way people acted/reacted around me. I tend to be outspoken and over-confident to begin with, so people are naturally drawn to my personality-type. But it's really easy to use my influence for negativity rather than positivity (is that a word?). After my divorce I really set my mind on being a more positive person, looking for as many good things as I could find bad things. This is very hard for me to do. I tend to be a very detailed-oriented person, and am very quick to find things that need to be fixed. I think that's why I like working with our marching band so much, I get to help clean things up and fix the overall picture and sound.

Anyway...because I tend to see the negative before the positive, I have to really work hard when I am around negative people. I'll tell you what--that is a true test of character right there! If I am not careful, I fall right into the same mind-set, trash-talking and complaining. I constantly have to ask God for strength and remind myself that I could possibly be the only light in that situation. I don't want to have to wonder if my comments or reactions are going to come back in hit me in the face.

I think God puts me in situations like this to grow my character. The questions is: am I willing to allow my character to be strengthened?

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Girls' Night Out

So with a little coaxing from Melanie, I went out to Cowboys last night. I have not been line dancing since Spring Break, last year, so needless to say, it's been a while. I got to meet Katie's boyfirend, he seems pretty cool. I felt bad that he had to put up with us three girls all night. He doesn't dance so he ended up becoming the seat saver and the drink holder. It's ok though, because that is a very important job! Melanie was hilarious (did Steve get mad about your condition?), and Katie was fun trying to refresh my dancing skills. I had a good time, the only thing missing was Phil (enter a sad face and an audible "awwww" here).

Lesson: Whenever you are feeling self-concious about your body or weight, just go to a country bar. There are plenty of girls there that will make you feel better about yourself. (Ouch that was mean!!).

Thanks ladies from making me have a little fun this weekend. Thank you Phil for loving me just the way I am. MUAH!!

Grad School Update

On Friday, after my test, I emailed UCF to find out what options I had concerning my GRE scores and trying to get accepted into their reading program. The Admissions Office told me to contact the Reading Ed. program director, which I did. She told me that my scores met the program requirements!! It looks like my GRE scores are not going to be a hindrance after all. I should know within a few weeks if UCF is going to accept me or not. I'll keep you posted.